Always Grateful |
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I was 17 years old when I first heard the Grateful Dead.My friend Chris tossed a CD into that new contraption we now call CD players.Right then, and there I decided thats what I would do with the rest of my life.For those non-heads this means follow them anywhere,I would sell my soul to the devil for a dead ticket ,and hell my mom didn't care where I was half the time anyways, why the hell not? So I had figured out my life plan now I just needed some cash to get where I was going,and manage to make it to school because if I missed one day Mr.Nylon would toss my ass into juvey quicker than I could say Jerry. I will never forget my 1st show.Gwen,and this girl Lesley whose parents had a shit ton of money,which meant she always had money .Sorry when it came to getting to my 1st show,I had no morals,and really what teenager does? So we ditch school early.I am sure Mr.Nylon is following as we walk to Martz bus station,and no I am not stoned.Mr.Nylon was my probation officer, and he is going to make damn sure next Monday when I have to piss in that stupid fucking cup that I am not.Off subject for a moment that tea shit they had in the 90's does not give you a clean urine.I learned the hard way.So where was I? Oh yay my first show. We have more pot on us then any three 17 year old girls should ,or for that matter could even smoke. I am pretty sure now crossing state lines with any drug is a felony.Lesley got all stupid when she was high,God we hated it.So poor Gwen was fucked. So we get on the bus,and for you heads ready you all know you never really ever get off.Off to NYC, and Jerry is going to sing for me.We manage to not get arrested by the DEA.I am aware this wasn't going to happen ,but i was one fucking paranoid 17 year old. MSG we have arrived. I will never forget seeing these girls out side the venue as we got off the bus all dready, and spinning.God I just had to be like them if it killed me.This was going to be the greatest day of my life.I remember all these people walking around holding their arms in the air waving just one pointer finger.I came to find out later this means they need"a miracle" translation an extra ticket to the show, and hopefully that ticket being free. The three of us are so green to this scene I am not sure how we survived.The sights,sounds,smells of the venue.I was truely over whelmed ,but I knew in an odd way I was home,for once I was home.We make our way to our seats, and all of a sudden there is this crazy energy going through out the crowd,it really made the hair on my arms stand up but in that way that you know something good is about to happen.All of a sudden the lights go on, and there are the boys,this is what heads call the members of the dead.Jerry struck that 1st cord, and it was like the 1st day of my life.I belonged here,this is what I have been looking for forever.Spoken like a true 17 year old ,or a heroin addict right!No matter how hard I try to explain this to you you will never understand unless you are one of us.Its like trying to tell someone what being on acid is like ,you can't, you have to just have to drop yourself, and find out.Although there is this 1970's movie called the trip that I do believe is the closest explanation I've ever come across.Just saying. I think about it now, and realize I didn't even know one song they played all two sets,and still thought"God,I never want to leave."The encore was sugar maggs, and I couldn't believe my luck.Now if I was at a show, and they pulled that shit I would be so pissed. Gwen, and I decide we want to buy some mushrooms with Lesleys moms money no less.There wasn't drug testing available at the time for them.SCORE!We make Lesley go find, and buy them at the show.Gwen wasn't stupid, and obviously I was trying not to be as stupid anymore. HA!So she comes back.I felt really relieved because I was sure if she didn't some how I would be blamed.I told you I was paranoid. She brings this big ass bag back, and we have never taken them before so have no clue how much to eat?Gwen, and I secretly converse, and decide Lesley should eat them, and we will watch her to decide if we will to.As I said this makes no since because you can't watch a trip you need to be in it.I had seen people shroom in movies so I tell her"eat two handfuls". BIG MISTAKE.Thats way more than anyone needs.She pretty much trips her face off the whole show, the bus ride home, and still at my moms at 6 am.Gwen, and I actually never take those mushrooms.We wait a year later for all that,but thats another story, and a funny fucking one at that! So this is where I found music that still to this day moves my soul.There is something about being a head no matter where life takes you they will always run in your blood.I will always be "grateful" for the times I had on tour,and the things I learned that no schooling could ever teach you! RIP Jerry.You are gone ,but NEVER will be forgotten.   
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